growingsystemic coaching combines your personal & professional development
Growth is often paired with the urgent desire for change. To become bigger, to become better, to get to know oneself better, to grow from an experience, to simply be allowed to grow and become your best self .
Does any of this sound familiar to you?
The core of our approach to systemic coaching is to gain clarity and to develop decision-making ability.
Our conviction: Change begins within you.
This is how we work (PDF file of coaching processes)
Conflict
These case studies have been shortened and amended in agreement with my clients to protect their identity and privacy.
Simon von S. (Department Head, age 42)
International Telecommunication Company
During our initial conversation with my client I learned that Mr. von S. was looking for assistance with a small disagreement with his colleague. He explained it as follows:
„I have a dilemma and need some help. My colleague and I are on the same level of hierarchy and are leading an international project team with 15 participants together. Unfortunately, we often argue about business matters, which then tend to escalate to a personal level. As a result, the projects are delayed and our credibility towards our team is undermined. We’ve tried to talk it through, but we usually end up blaming each other”.
When the client arrives he seems very confident and self-assured. The way he conducts the conversation and asks questions shows me that he likes to be in charge. I ask him to articulate again the issue he wants to address and to note it on a flipchart.
I also ask him to place facilitation cards on the conference table, representing all the people and processes involved, taking his values into consideration.
He comments on each card as he is placing them on the table. I inquire if there is a reason why the card with his name is bigger than the card with his colleague’s name. He responds: “Of course, I’ve been with the company longer than him and my opinion is more valued”. I inquire if he brought an organization chart of his company. Mr. von S. puts it on the table and explains it to me. Both he and his colleague are on the same level but have different responsibilities, per job description.
When I inquire about an overlap in their areas of responsibilities, he dismisses my question and says that they were only leading the project together. He proceeds to explain the relation between the individuals on the cards and their connection to him. Upon inquiring about any other groups of people that were connected to his project, such as suppliers, family, etc, he adds a few more cards. When looking over the scenario he comments: “God, this is taking up a lot of my energy. Oftentimes I come home exhausted and all I talk about with my wife is work”.
I listen carefully, take notes and want to know what a “successful project” means to him regarding this particular situation. I ask him to list the individual points in order of importance (1 = not important, 10 = very important). He walks over to the flipchart and writes the following:
Next I want to know when he believes that this conflict with his colleague started to develop, and whether there was a particular incident that had caused it. He thinks about it but doesn’t have an answer. I show him a chart with stages of conflict and ask him where they are.
“Hm, I think we are between 4 and 5. One is trying to pull members of the team to his side to strengthen his position. And the other one is losing face”. I ask who he is referring to that is doing the pulling, him or his colleague.
His body language shows me that he is agitated: “the other guy, of course”. We then take some time to question who is benefitting from this conflict and whether my client is truly interested in changing the situation.
Afterwards we explore what type of conflict behavior my client had displayed in similar situations in the past. To facilitate reflection, I offer the following concepts:
– Consensus
– Compromise
– Conferring with a third party
– Subordination
– Freezing up
– Fight
– Flight
“I always have to fight to win,” he responds. “One time, I didn’t fight and then someone else got the praise. I am still upset about that”.
I want to know if he thinks that this is the right solution for him this time as well. He answers: “No, I don’t think so, because I need his know-how and that really bothers me”. Exciting!
I suggest a role play exercise in which to switch positions with his colleague and he agrees. We place two chairs across from each other. Mr. von S. verbalizes his own arguments sitting on one chair, and then his colleague’s, sitting on the other chair. Afterwards, I ask him to get up and walk around the room and to assume the position of a neutral advisor.
“Both men emphasized how important it was to them that the project was successful. I’d recommend for them to focus on these commonalities and to put all personal issues aside for the sake of this project. It was also apparent that they both have respect for each other’s achievements, despite their differences, which could also serve as a foundation for this temporary collaboration”.
I ask my client if he wants to write down his thoughts as an approach to solving this issue, which he happily does.
Subsequently, I confront my client with the observation that he defined respect as an important value when dealing with others; however, when he speaks about his colleague he calls him “the other one”, “the know-it-all”, “it’s the fault of the pain in the neck”. “How does that sound to you?” I ask Mr. von S. “That is how I release my anger”. His anger about what, I want to know. “That he is a threat to my position at the company!” the answer shoots out of him. My client is puzzled. “I always thought that it was my colleague’s attitude and behavior that caused our disagreements, but it seems it’s my fear of loss. I will have to work on that”. He gets up and starts to write:
I ask Mr. von S. to add concrete and attainable time frames to his plan of action. During the next meeting we plan to discuss the individual action steps and their corresponding results. We end the first session and the client leaves the office in a good mood.
The following Friday I receive this mail: “Dear Mrs. Rose, the mere awareness that I gained about my behavior, and a more open communication with my colleague have worked wonders! Thank you for mercilessly taking me apart. I am looking forward to our next session. Your Simon von S.”
Leadership
These case studies have been shortened and amended in agreement with my clients to protect their identity and privacy.
Alexandra T. (Senior Partner, age 45)
Tax Consulting
For our first meeting the client arrives in a rush and tells me out of breath in short sentences about her day. After going over the coaching process and the foundation for our meeting, she draws a visual chart of her situation.
Her concern is: “I’d like to become more relaxed so I have more energy to handle my day-to-day life”.
She describes how much she enjoys her career and spending weekends with her new partner, but also that her friends are pulling on her because she doesn’t have much time to see them, and that her 15 year old son is having a rough time going through puberty. This is taking an emotional toll on her and she is exhausted, as she has not been able to find a solution for this situation.
Her objective is: As of January 1, 20xx I will be more relaxed in all areas of my life.
I inquire which approaches have not been successful so far. She rattles off a list and I ask her to write everything on a flipchart.
Then I want to know which approaches have been successful in similar situations. She eagerly takes notes. “On this list, are there any options that you have not considered yet for your current situation?” She thinks about it and says: “Yes, there are a few ideas that I could try”.
I request that she writes the word “Resources” on a blank sheet of paper and to randomly write down her thoughts without censoring them.
For inspiration, I offer her a stack of cards with a variety of resources. I ask her to consider each card as a possibility. For example:
(willst Du hier evtl ein anderes Beispiel einfuegen, da es das gleiche ist wie bei Case 1 & 3. Wie zB I want to have a healthier work-life balance.)
Alexandra T. evaluates each card carefully and shows particular interest in the ones describing corporate values. “In our firm it is important to us that the partners are available at all times. That is why we are always the last ones to leave the office”.
I want to know who she is referring to when she says “us”. Mrs. T. explains that she and the other eleven partners have agreed to serve as a good example in diligence to all employees. We dig deeper into the values of her organization and realize that some of her statements are only based on the beliefs of Mrs. T. For example: “I am the only female partner in the firm. I don’t want to give the impression that I’m not capable of putting my work before my private life”.
When she holds the card “Sources of Energy” in her hands, she states that she gains enormous energy from having dinner with her son. She also adds a few additional energy sources to the flipchart.
Then Mrs. T. bemoans: „Yes, but that doesn’t work, because I always have important meetings in the evenings”. I ask her to rate the individual points on a scale from 1 (not important) to 10 (very important) in regards to her goal.
When looking over her list of energy sources, Mrs. T. is astounded to learn that she had completely ignored/repressed some of the points that were very important to her.
I pose the following question: “You are a leader, correct? Where does leadership begin for you?” She answers: “When there are at least two people. One leads, the other one is lead”. I give her a little more time and she blurts out: “With me, right?”
“If that is the case, what does a leader do with new realizations?” She grins and writes “Measures” on a new sheet of paper. As a professional manager she is now in her element. She lists every single action step, prioritizes them and sets completion dates.
Afterwards, Mrs. T. reviews her list. Her body language expresses newfound strength. I can well imagine how convincing she can be in this state!
I inquire if she’d like to work on an exercise at home. She nods. I ask her to create a matrix with the following information and to reflect on it before the next meeting.
My client leaves with a firm handshake and we arrange to meet again in four weeks.
In the meantime I receive an email from her: “Hello dear Mrs. Rose, you won’t believe what’s been happening! In a conversation with my business partners I learned that because of my tense ambition, they felt compelled to keep up with me. They don’t see me as an inadequate female. We devised a plan who will work on which evenings. We also agreed to not be bothered if someone works “normal” work hours, as long as everything runs smoothly. An enormous weight has fallen from my shoulders and I also know now how my partners perceive me. Turns out my own expectations were getting in my way. My homework is in progress. Tonight I’m taking my son to dinner – I am really looking forward to it! Many thanks! I look forward to seeing you in two weeks. Yours, Alexandra T.“
Case Study – Salary Negotiations
These case studies have been shortened and amended in agreement with my clients to protect their identity and privacy.
Jonas M. (Senior Vice President Marketing, age 50)
International Hotel Company
This coaching inquiry was initiated through the recommendation of a former client. Mr. Jonas M. wants to prepare himself optimally for upcoming salary negotiations with the executive board of his company. To start out, Mr. M. shares his expectations for the coaching sessions. Afterwards, I ask him to draw a chart to explain his particular situation in detail. It looks as follows:
The client describes his situation: “One year ago, I started at my current position at Company XY. The conditions were clearly defined: I work 4 days per week, the 4th of which I work from my home office. The reason was that my wife and I had just had a baby and I wanted to have more time to spend with my family, as I was traveling a lot for work.
As the CEO was very interested in bringing me on board, and was also sympathetic of my situation, he made an offer based on these conditions. We agreed on an annual salary of EUR 80,000, plus bonus. He explained the company’s organization chart to me, stating that all senior vice presidents were on the same level with the same level of responsibility. We also established my marketing goals together on which to evaluate my achievements. The basis of assessment for the bonus for all VPs is solely dependent on the company’s operating profit. We agreed on a review after six months to potentially renegotiate my salary”.
Additionally, he explains that he has business meetings, dinners or events on at least three evenings per week and in his time off he is always available by notebook or Blackberry.
During his salary negotiations he wants to argue that he believes his achievements and responsibilities are on par with his colleagues’ and that he deems a salary of EUR 96,000 appropriate.
I ask Mr. M. if he sees himself as an employee who receives hourly wages. My client looks at me slightly irritated. I mention his comparison of his 4-day work week to his colleagues’ 5-day work week and ask if he gets paid for the hours worked or for the achievement of his goals.
“Of course, I get paid for managing my department, as well as and my contributions to reaching the company’s goals.” He thinks about it and adds: “Are you saying I should earn EUR 120,000 like my colleagues?” I don’t answer and wait till my client, who is clearly deep in thought, continues: “A 50% increase in a time of crisis – that’ll never work!”
I ask Mr. M. to take a deep breath and to focus on his arguments for the upcoming conversation. On a flipchart he notes which of the established goals for his department he achieved. He is seemingly surprised how well he fared: he had achieved all of his goals and even exceeded the sales expectancy for his newly defined department by 120%. (= also mehr als doppelt, wenn ich das richtig verstehe?)
Additionally, he has his budgeted expenses under control. He looks at his arguments, straightens his posture and says: “This looks pretty good, doesn’t it?” I inquire what his specific plans are for the future that would convince his CEO that his salary is justified in the long run. He excitedly creates a list of reasons to present at the meeting.
At the end of the session the client says he feels very confident and well prepared for the meeting with the CEO. Jonas M. puts his flipchart papers under his arm and leaves in a happy mood.
The following week I receive a voice message from my client: “Hello Fr. Rose, our strategy worked! My CEO is on board with the ideas I suggested. Thank you very much for relentlessly asking questions to draw my attention to these important points. One of my colleagues is also looking for a coach and I will highly recommend you to him. Best regards, Jonas M.”
Growth is often paired with the urgent desire for change. To become bigger, to become better, to get to know oneself better, to grow from an experience, to simply be allowed to grow and become your best self ….
Does any of this sound familiar to you?
- I am in my mid 40s and know that I don’t want to continue working the same job for another 20 years. But what are my qualifications? My knowledge is very specialized and focused on a specific field.
- I am having a difficult time juggling my frequent travels for work, my wife and two children, and my desire for downtime / leisure time. I often feel like a hamster on a wheel.
- When I communicate with Mr. X I always react in a way that’s counterproductive to our project goals. I’d really like to change that.
- As Managing Director I have hardly any “sparring partners”, but I need feedback, even confrontation sometimes, and questions, questions, questions…
- I feel uneasy on Sunday evenings thinking about work the next day. How can I change this feeling?
- I have been putting all my efforts into my career for the past 15 years and have come to realize that I have nothing in my life besides my work.
- The results of a 360º analysis among senior management have shown that my coworkers and colleagues have a very different view of me than I view myself. It really stresses me out and makes me feel insecure. And it makes me wonder what type of manager I can be and want to be.The core of our approach to systemic coaching is to gain clarity and to develop decision-making ability.This is how we work. (PDF file of coaching processes) Our conviction: Change begins with you.